Race Report Brands Hatch April 2010

A bright and breezy Brands Hatch saw a packed grid for the first PBIC event of 2010, and it was good to see all the old faces back again.

Many of the drivers were resplendent in new race suits  not least of all was Legs of Doom who had finally abandoned his skin tight lycra outfit in favour of a nice red number to match the end of his glowing cigarette.

Alan Brooke had taken a leaf out of Blaine Neaves book, following the saying “bigger engine means bigger overalls” although Alan must have thought he had put a V8 in his metro judging by the fit of his race suit.

His Lordship Frank Thomson was kitted out in a made to measure number, not sure who it was made to measure for….but so be it.

Some of the others had to go one better of course and a smattering of shiny motor homes cast a large shadow over the rusting Jonesey-Racing bongo-van.

Qualifying saw Ollie Neaves set a blistering pole ahead of Simon Cripps and Old Man Neaves.

For class A it was business as usual with the two James’s once again leading the field.
Simon Tinkler & Primrose took third on the grid and hang on a minute…what’s happened here??? Miss Daisy fourth???

Yes folks you couldn’t make it up, money has been no object during the winter months as Miss Daisy has received a full engine re-build, new Silverstone tyres and wheels and it’s certainly paid off. The yellow hearse was back in contention with yours truly in fifth alongside.

Returning racer Wilson in the Clockwork Orange was a respectable 6th.

But this wasn’t the only surprise of the day. Doom in the Grey Pig in a rash(er) move abandoned his usual last place spot and out qualified 3 group B cars.

Things were hotting up.

RACE ONE

You could cut the air with a knife as the drivers eagerly awaited race one. Would it be a case of first race nerves and overexcitement?….if the preceding races were anything to go by it would turn into a Destruction Derby (no offence James).

31 cars lined up  for the inaugural race, the cars smoking  pleasantly in the cool breeze, clearly the downhill slope was causing some problems as a few over-keen drivers started to roll slowly forwards as the first red light came on…

And then we were off.  I made an uncharacteristically good start for once, must be that downhill advantage, and found myself alongside Pat Fenn in his gleaming V8…I also, managed to get past Simon Tinkler in Primrose who got boxed in on the inside round turn one.

We all hurtled up to the hairpin and I was surprised to see Dave Brown appear on my inside as we went round, leaving a large tyre mark on my trusty B in the process. I knew I should never have washed it!

I could also see the Two James’s not far in the distance as we went round turn three. No sign of Alan Brooke this year as he had already scampered off in his rejuvenated metro.

Tinkler was soon bearing down on me in Primrose and I adopted the now well practised strategy of elbows out, creating the widest B on the track.

Whichever mirror I looked in it was full of Primrose’s bonnet ready to nip past at the first opportunity.

This defensive drive coupled with Brown and Rigg tussling in front allowed the two James’s to press on regardless drawing further away each lap.

With the race shortened to just 10 minutes due to various crashes in the preceding races and also the appearance of the Air Ambulance, there was not enough time for the front runners to lap me for once. Although it was to me, a very long ten minutes!

Only three cars failed to make it to the finish, Catweasel in car 87 did a bit of off-roading and beached himself in a gravel trap.
Not sure what happened to cars 20 and his Lordship Thomson in 23, but they did not return for race two.

So the results for race 1 were Ollie Neaves first, followed by Cripps and (ooh Betty) Spencer. Walpole and Darby were first and second with Darby managing to steal fastest lap for class A….The trusty B came in a remarkable third which is an improvement on my usual 5th place.

RACE 2

The first race was not without its casualties. Although we had to wait for about an hour in the collecting area for the Air Ambulance to leave, this clearly wasn’t enough time for the track staff to get the road sweeper out and remove  the large amount of gravel from Paddock Hill.
As a result several cars looked like they had been racing in Beirut after the green flag lap, with several bullet holes in their windscreens and Miss Daisy suffering a punctured radiator.

The Grey Pig with its new high output engine blew a water pump and Legs of Doom decided to fit a spare which had been handed down as a family heirloom.

No surprise this was worse than the original one and a short while later I saw a nice gleaming new one being fitted, ably assisted by Wilson who was shouting words of advice as he demolished a mound of sandwiches.

This meant that the Grey Pig was able to go to the party with seconds to spare for race two. Miss Daisy was unable to continue and withdrew, which had I known it at the time robbed me of a fine photo frame with a picture of Lord Lichfield in it by reducing the class A field….on reflection, perhaps one photo frame with a bit of plastic stuck on it is enough for anyone.

Anyhow, race two saw 26 of the original 31 line up to do battle, and once again the downhill slope was proving too much for some as they tried and failed to restrain their cars before the lights went out.

Off we went for another 10 minute blast and this time I managed to get past Pat Fenn’s V8, although I have no idea how or when this happened.

The two James’s were not far in front  but once again I was unable to get past Dave Brown to keep up with them, although towards the end I did get past Paul Rigg which is another first for me.

All was going well and I thought I had only to concentrate on trying to keep up with Darby and Walpole as I knew Primrose was starting from the back, but as I glanced in my mirrors once again I saw Primrose hacking her way through the field and before long I could see Brian Blessed look-a-like Peter Andrews closing at break-neck speed with gritted teeth.

My driving became more erratic and Peter clearly could hold tighter lines through the corners as I desperately tried to close the door on him.

I was counting down the time and was saved by the timely appearance of the chequered flag….one more lap and I would have been history!

Ollie Neaves meanwhile had done it again…leaving the “old man” in his dust; he nabbed victory in race two as well.

Beaker in Tripod car 43 was back with a vengeance and took 2nd with Rob Spencer 3rd.
No change in class A as Walpole held Darby at bay to achieve a repeat of race one with Jonesey in third, albeit of a slightly depleted field.

Wilson despite the extra sandwiches on board had knocked 2 seconds off his race one time to give Piggott a run for his money.

The MGCC decided to hold the presentations in a shoe-box and most of the drivers crammed in to receive their somewhat unusual awards.

Blaine Neaves the well known after dinner speaker was allowed to congratulate Ollie on his brace of wins.

James Walpole put his class A wins down to the Chrome Dome effect when he revealed he uses Simonize on his head as well as his car.
Darby threatened to return with yet another new engine next time out to put an end to Walpole’s world domination.

As for class B Terry Holmes pipped Long Haired Dave to victory in Race 1, which the Yeti managed to put right in Race 2 closely followed by Sandbag Ludlow in the Loony Racing ZS.

On a personal note I would like to thank everyone for a good race and particularly The Church Lane Racing Team who were very sporting about my third place finishes.

I really think they were almost as happy as I was! Of course they do realise that these results are unlikely to be repeated!

Should I also point out that we were one of the few races not to get red-flagged? I think this does set us apart from the other series’.

All eyes now look towards Oulton for our next chance to play……bring it on!

Jonesey